It's the Small Things

I enjoy writing--I always have. I don't claim to be good at it, but I enjoy the outlet it gives me. I've kept a journal off and on for many years, dating back to elementary school when the darn things were graded. I found some of my old journals recently and it was amazing how entries brought back specific memories. I am grateful that my mother didn't throw them out. I came across many of my old projects while looking through the boxes and not only did they bring back memories, they made me realize how much I hadn't kept up with past interests.

I have many half finished stories. The number of partly finished samplers, dolls, decorations, and so many other projects is simply embarrassing. It goes beyond that. I used to speak pretty fluent French. I was a good violinist. I used to be in fairly good shape. I can't say that motherhood is the cause of my inability to keep up with anything. I've been this way for most of my adult life. My children became my priority when they were born, but it hasn't always been an easy adjustment. I am working on not only reclaiming my forgotten abilities and unfinished projects, but also on learning a new brand of time management. I have found that I have started defending my lack of responses to emails and phone calls . This is not something I am proud of and not who I want to be. I expect that becoming the me I want to be is going to take effort, but it is an effort that I willingly give.

Simple things, such as putting laundry away as it comes out of the dryer and having all the dishes in the dishwasher before I go upstairs for the evening are going a long way to a cleaner house. I'm picking fewer projects to do at one time so that I finish them instead of feeling scattered and overwhelmed. I'm clearing out my email each day. I am going to give actual birthday presents instead of IOUs. I am enjoying my time with the girls more because I'm not worrying about what I haven't done.

Today I made a simple Christmas decoration. It was a simple project from a kit--three little paper trees. This won't be an impressive feat to many people, but I'm pretty proud of them. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have managed them. It has been a long time since I have finished a craft. I am pleased that my new journal starts off with an accomplishment that made me smile.

Resolutions

I have goals. I want my doctorate. I want a clean house. I want my girls to grow up happy and knowing they are loved. I want to be a better cook. I want to be able to craft easily and well. I want...well, you get the idea.

The doctorate will happen. Maybe not immediately, but it will happen. The house comes and goes. We live in a three story house built in 1849. We've been doing a lot of work on it, so between an old house, construction, and two kids under two, it simply isn't going to be spotless all the time. I'm coming to terms with that. My girls are very much loved and will grow up happy--of that I have no doubt. The cooking and crafting is where my new resolution comes in.

I love to cook. I love to craft. I don't think I do either overly well. I love to browse through Etsy and other handmade sites and blogs. I have had great dreams of being able to make something well enough that someone will want to buy it. I've bought a few "how-to" kits and courses through makers I have followed whose work I love. (More about those another time.) I don't work quickly--I just don't have the time to devote hours a day to projects right now. I decided that the best way for me to be able to learn to do the crafts/sewing/cooking the way that I want is to set a goal that is reachable in the near future. For Christmas 2010, I will be giving out handmade gifts. I will be picking projects throughout the year. I will learn techniques. I will ask for help from people in the know. I might even schedule in some "me time" that is before 10pm!

I will continue to take classes as I can. I will keep plugging away at the house. I will keep loving my girls above all else. I will take great pride in sewing a dress, felting an ornament, knitting a scarf, and cooking one heck of a meal.